It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
