On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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