We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
