do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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