I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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