ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
