I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
