Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
