I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
