Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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