he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
