I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
