I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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