why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
