just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
