xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
