We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
