so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
