so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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