I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
