evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we made out on top of his cat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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