Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
