Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
