im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My balls are so social today.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
