I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
