the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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