I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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