Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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