I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
