I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
