Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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