Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
