I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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