I need to stop coming to work sober
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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