White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
