2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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