my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
