Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
