every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this will be a night to untag.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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