someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
