my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
