im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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