1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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