I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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