I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the day after is always just damage control
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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