wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
