shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
