My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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