Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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