why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
