When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
