what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
