My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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